Fantasy vs. Reality

I write Fantasy, and for the most part live in that fantasy world. There I am successful, I have many friends, I have a mate, the world is sunny. Real life does not offer very many of those things. I have noticed that the fantasy world and real life are blending together and it is time to take a step back and look, I am afraid that if I pull to far away from the fantasy my writing will suffer, so I am looking for a good neutral ground.

Most of the people around me do not understand my attraction to the fantasy. Maybe someday when they read the writings they will understand.

Ups and Downs

Life has many ups and downs. Mine at the moment seems to be either very up or very down. I am in the final editing process on the first book of my Pillars series. I have three others of the thirteen in the works. I need to find an agent to help me find the correct publisher. Because I write in several different areas, from teen fantasy, to adult fantasy, to Love stories. I think finding an Agent is going to be the tough part. I can write a Teen book in a little over a month, I have been working on my Cloud Dancer book a little over a year.

I need to find a new name for my Cloud Dancer series, seems that Cloud Dancers is copyrighted. The books are about Gold Dragons, the first Created, the most Ancient of the Dragons. The have managed to gather and start rebuilding their race, and the war that is going to erupt when they are discovered. It is romance, it is battles, and I have lost the title that fit perfectly. If any have a suggestion I would be happy to entertain it.

When does Help become Enabling

I let a friend move in with me after her husband passed away from a two year fight with Cancer. She was at a loss on what to do with her life. In the beginning it was a give and take situation. Then I had my heart attack and my world spun out of control.

It became easy to allow her to do everything, cooking, cleaning and yard work, she does have a seventeen year old son that could help with some of it but she never asked him to do it. I crawled into my room and have not been out much. On the flip side she gives me a small amount to off set the cost of them living here, however I pay the majority of the bills. I have allowed her to crawl into her shell as well, living in her room and playing computer games. Both of us have become reclusive strangers living under the same roof.

Well we have had a disagreement and I have asked her to leave, I am hopeful that it brings her out of her shell and gets her into the world again. Meanwhile I have signed up for some writing classes and am moving out of mine as well.

I hope that we can remain friends but with the reactions since she pushed me to the point of making this decision I doubt it. I hate to lose a friend but we both need to live again.

Ironman 2

Awesome does not even come close to describing the new Iron Man movie, It had even more action than the first. The special effects were even better, Marvel out did them selves on this one, and wait for the credits to complete for the clue to the next movie.

When the Dream becomes a Reality

There is a man that I have been in Rp with on line for almost three years, I have gotten very close to him. He is not in a position to be more than an Rp partner, however he is the one that I have been building my saga with and he has promised that when the first book is published he will meet me for Dinner. Cloud Dancer is my driving force, I will make this goal if for no other reason but to finally meet the man that has lived in my fantasy world for so long.

He has become my inspiration and my dreams. I find myself rushing through the day to get everything done so I can be with him in the evenings and on into the night. His time is limited but I find him adjusting his world as well to spend time with me. Our relationship has become magical, I hope that some day it can become more than just a dream but only time can tell.

Life sucks

I have spent the last two days on the phone discussing the possibility of surgery with my doctors. They are not going to told me back. i know the odds are not the best, but I like them better than the alternative.

I told my room mate what was going on and got lectured by her.

I then turned to one of the two people in my life that always seem to make it better, and got huge fight it was over a different matter but I feel like there is a whole in my heart, my world is spinning out of control and there is no way to get off the ride. Everything I touched yesterday turned to vinegar in my hands. Things I have been building up to in working out in my book have fallen apart, and I am to a point of just wanting to shut down. I just want to crawl into a cave somewhere and hide. I am now to a point if someone looks at me funny I shall break down and cry.

Sits Down Floored after trip to the Doctor

I went to the Workman's Comp Doctor. I was expecting the news that the right is doing great and the left might get a bit better with work. I have been told the left is not going to get any better actually it could get worse. I have been given the option of this Doctor doing the surgery that did not go right the first time. I have a fifty percent chance of it getting better and the rest is the same or worse. I am left handed, this is my left arm, I am desperately trying to reach my primary care Doctor and my heart Doctor to get their advice on this.

Tuesday

Today is one of the Telling days. I go see the Workman's Comp Doctor, we will see if he releases me or puts me back for a bit more therapy. I am getting so tired of all of this I really do not care which he does. I would like to get this settled and just live with the fact that my left hand is never going to work right again, which is tough since I am left handed.

All doubts are gone

If I ever had a doubt about where I am going, it is completely washed away. I went to get some lunch at the Greek Restraunt before going to do my research. The guy whom I have gotten to know pretty well since we go in there alot asked me why in such a good mood for a Monday. I told him that I am starting out on my free lancing career. He laughed and handed me a business card, his room mate is one of the founding members of:

ArtBeat Magazine
Growing the Artist
Supporting the Art
Serving the Community

WWW.ArtBeatOK.com

I have to find a copy of the Magazine, but they do Short stories, poetry, ideas, events, reviews of Events, music, book, Film.

Monday's

Normally I hate Monday's and I hate any time before 2:00 pm. Today I am up before noon, and I am hitting the ground running. I am on my way to get some food then go to the Library and start research of Magazine's to pitch my idea's to.

I am looking at this all as this is the first day of the rest of my life, and it is a glorious day weather wise to start out.

I have just finished a writers conference

I have just finished a writers conference and I am going to interview my mother and family to get their versions of what happened to me on February 2nd, I will post their interviews as the days progress. This is something that I know something about and I am working it up as my first official writing piece.

It has been three month's it is time to share

Three months ago tomorrow my life changed out of proportion.

I returned home from physical therapy, the dog had been in the garage because it was icy outside. I let her out an she did not want to leave me and I did not understand, I finally got her outside the door and got it shut and locked and it started. Just a small pain at first, something I attributed to indigestion, we had gone out for Sushi the night before. I moved into the bedroom to get my antacid and something is not right the pain is to low. I pick up the phone and call mother I want to get her now because it is almost time for her Weight Watchers. The first question I can think of and still don't know why it popped into my head. "Mom what does a heart attack feel like?"

"Why?"

"I think I might be having one."

"I am on my way call your physical therapist."

So I hang up with mother knowing it will only take her about fifteen minutes to get to my house and I call Christie.

"Hey Christie, is there anything you did different that might cause chest pains?"

"not really, why?"

"I feel like someone is squeezing my heart."

Women are not supposed to have chest pains, hang up and call 911, and take off the steroid patches you have on they should not cause it however.

So I hang up and call 911 and here is where the day goes insane.

I unlock the front door, and then realize I am sitting in the middle of the living room with four cats sitting on me and refusing to get off, I hear the sirens the pains are getting worse and I am not sure what is going on, it feels kinda like the pressure of a kidney stone but it is in the wrong place. The guys come in and hook up electrodes and pulse ox and I am not sure what else. I am not feeling very well so I allow them to take me to the ER, I remember thinking there is no way mother is going to get me to the ER. We get to the ambulance and something is not right, I am feeling funny one attendant jumps into the drivers seat and the other gives me several pills and tells me to eat them. I have no memory of the ride, by next memory is of a person straddling me doing chest compressions, I even remember praying that they let me go. I remember getting sick and it getting in my hair then nothing.

Darkness and I can't move, I feel Alex take my hand, I remember squeezing his and hearing Dr. Peggy speaking to me, but I do not understand her really. I fade back out. Again I awake and can't move I can hear her talking to me again this time I can understand her. Wait she said respirator, what is going on. Someone tells me they are taking out the tubes but I can't talk for an hour or they will put them back. Alex comes in, I am able to write, Hi on a piece of paper for him. Wait how long have I been like this, someone gives me paper and I ask, for four days. Cloud Dancer, I need to let him know what has happened, as I become agitated, Mom tells me she has been talking to Richo on the phone, I am hopeful he has told Cloud but highly doubt it. I give my hidden email, and password to sister and write Shan, that will get his email to him.

As they take out the tubes, and I start waking up fully, I realize there is a catheter in me, I tell the nurse I want it out, they hurt, and are very uncomfortable. The nurse says it can't come out until I am able to get out of bed, there is doubt in her voice, that I don't understand, so I prove I can get up, so they remove that painful device. When they finally give me my cell phone my first call is to my lawyer explaining what is going on, he tells me that he was contacted by the other attorney, as I am speaking to him, Dr. Peggy comes in and I pause for a moment and ask her could the heart attack have been caused by Stress, she said yes and looked at me funny. I told my attorney to try to include the heart attack in the workman's comp case we were undergoing at the moment. As I hung up the phone and looked at Dr. Peggy she started to laugh. She looked to mother and said, well I can see no brain damage she seems to be thinking just fine. My chest hurts for the pneumonia, but I am recovering beyond all exceptions. They did chest compressions for an hour and twenty five minuets. They were ready to call it when my heart started beating again. They thought there might be some brain damage, I would have to learn to walk and talk again. However, God showed through and took me in hand.

Today I am walking and talking, there is a bit of memory loss, but I will over come or Adapt. I am doing this as an exercise from a writing conference and I plan to make my living in writing. In the following days I will post interviews with people in my life that lived through this fateful day with me and I am looking into making this into a story for print.